when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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