i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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