I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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