Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
