Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
