For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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