turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
