she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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