I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
