david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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