She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
