Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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