i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My dick has a subreddit
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
