***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
