I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize