Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
