Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
