If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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