her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
