I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
