Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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