I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
