If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
BRING THE BAGELS
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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