i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
