very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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