I cannot find my penis.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
