I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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