I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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