woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
