Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
