she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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