it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
