so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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