is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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