Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
