My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize