you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
