I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
