I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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