sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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