I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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