tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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