You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize