"it" just moved
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
