sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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