lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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