he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
