So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
