I just cut my nipple shaving
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
