nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
