I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
