glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
