Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
