Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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