Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
