By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
