So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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