What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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