you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
