No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
