I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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