It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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