how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
