Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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