thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize