cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
