You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I won the penis lottery.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
