Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize