where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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