Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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