Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
