By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
