why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
