he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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