I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
