You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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