Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize